The first 3 months

Crying is one of the ways babies show what they need. They can use it to indicate that they are hungry, have a dirty nappy, want attention, are not feeling well or are tired. Some babies cry more than others. But babies cry the most during the first three months of their lives. In the first 8 weeks, they cry for an average of 2-2.5 hours per day. After that, the crying naturally decreases. Around 3 months, they cry for an average of 1-1.5 hours per day, mainly in the evening. Comfort your baby during these moments; you cannot spoil them. Babies have to process many new impressions and need comfort from their parents.

Sometimes a baby just keeps crying, and you start to feel helpless. Sometimes this makes you feel panicky or frustrated, and you might be tempted to shake your baby or put them down hard. Never do this, because it can hurt your baby. This can cause brain damage and, in extreme cases, death. This is called shaken baby syndrome. If it becomes too much for you, put your baby down in a safe place (playpen/bed) and leave the room for a moment. Only return when you feel calm again.

Are you unsure whether your baby is getting too much or too little food and is crying because of this? Then come to the weighing consultation at the health clinic. If this is not the cause and you are still unsure whether your baby is crying too much, let the health clinic know, as they can always refer you to a paediatrician to investigate whether there is a cause for the crying.

A baby sleeps safest in his or her own bed, preferably in your room. In your bed, the baby could become entangled in your bedding or become too hot. This increases the risk of cot death. It is also not safe to put your baby in bed with you alone. Having your baby close to you in their own cot helps you to recognise hunger signals in good time and protects against cot death. A cot with bars is ideal because babies like to look around. Sleeping on their back is safest. Your baby can roll onto their stomach from their side, but not from their back, which reduces the risk of cot death. Try to alternate between placing your baby in bed with their head to the left and right to prevent a flat back of the head. During the day, you can occasionally place your baby on their stomach, but stay with them.

The page 'postpartum closure' contains more information about pelvic floor recovery. Keep a close eye on this. Complaints of a heavy feeling when walking or incontinence are signs that your pelvic floor has not yet recovered. In addition to doing exercises, it is important that you lie down flat after an activity to give your pelvic floor a rest. Do not lift anything heavy if you still have symptoms and see a pelvic physiotherapist in good time or as a preventive measure. There are also fun back-in-shape exercise classes that focus on pelvic floor recovery. After 6 weeks, you can slowly start exercising again. If you still have pelvic complaints, do so under supervision or work on recovering from your pelvic complaints first. After a caesarean section, allow for a slightly longer recovery period, such as 8 weeks.

The recovery of your abdominal muscles is also a process that takes time. These muscles have been stretched by the growth of the uterus and need time to come back together properly. Therefore, do not do any abdominal exercises for the first 6 weeks. When you start exercising again, build up slowly and start with exercises for your deep transverse abdominal muscles. If your abdominal muscles have separated significantly (diastasis), you can restore strength to these muscles with the right exercises. A pelvic physiotherapist can also help you with this.

Pregnancy and childbirth bring many changes, both physical and emotional. This also applies if you have had a caesarean section. Your body may look or feel different: your vagina and abdomen may have changed and your breasts may leak milk. Hormones also play a major role. They can affect your feelings, your mood and your need for intimacy, for both of you. New parenthood itself can also cause your desires to change. Sometimes you may notice that you feel less desire, sometimes more. These changes are normal and are part of recovering after the birth of your baby. It is good to know that sex is more than just penetration. Sex is about intimacy, and you will rediscover that together, as it were. You can usually have penetrative sex again once the bleeding has stopped, which is on average after about six weeks. As long as you are still bleeding, it is better not to insert anything into your vagina to limit the risk of infection. When having penetrative sex, remember to use contraception, as you can become pregnant again even if you have not yet had your first period. Do you have any complaints during sex, or are you unable to be intimate with your partner? A sexologist can help with this.

After the birth, everything is new and your daily life and social life change. You feel a great sense of responsibility, which can make you feel insecure more quickly. That is part of the process; every parent experiences this in the beginning. It is important to take good care of yourself. Try to relax and take time for yourself. Let others help you, for example by asking someone to babysit so you can do something for yourself. Share your insecurities with your health visitor, maternity nurse/midwife or general practitioner. Your maternity period is not always a bed of roses; sometimes there are storms and hailstorms. The beginning has its ups and downs, so give yourself and each other time to get used to parenthood.

The birth of a baby does not only bring joy. Feelings of sadness and anxiety are sometimes part of it, just like crying. Especially if you are going through a difficult period in which the baby cries a lot. For example, 6 weeks after giving birth, when intestinal cramps are at their peak. Do not keep it to yourself. Share your feelings with your partner, family and friends. This helps to put things into perspective and prevent things from getting worse. If you feel gloomy or anxious for a longer period of time, if you cannot sleep while your baby is sleeping, or if you are worrying a lot, contact your GP or midwife. You can also contact a psychologist or psychotherapist for extra support. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you will feel like your old self again. For support, you can contact: Postpartum Centre Netherlands and Baby Blues Domstad.

You may encounter so-called regulation days when your baby wants to feed very often. On these days, the baby essentially regulates the production of more milk. These days occur around day 10, around 3 weeks, 3 months and 6 months. If breastfeeding does not come naturally, consult a lactation consultant. They can observe a feed and give you specific advice.

Introduce your baby to the bottle before the age of 8 weeks. After this time, your baby's sucking reflex will disappear and it will be more difficult to teach your baby a different method. Your baby will need to use their mouth and tongue in a different way to get the milk out of the bottle, and that takes time. Practise bottle feeding a few times a week. This is also a fun moment for your partner!

When you return to work, you can continue breastfeeding. You are allowed to express milk and/or breastfeed during working hours in the first nine months after the birth. You can use a quarter of your working hours for this and you will continue to be paid. Your employer must also provide a suitable room for expressing milk and a refrigerator for storing breast milk. A few weeks before you return to work, it is a good idea to build up a supply of milk. Pumping in the morning is often easier, for example shortly after the first morning feed. But in principle, any quiet moment is suitable for pumping. You do not need more milk than your baby needs while you are away. Some mothers choose to produce a larger supply of milk, in which case you will need to express milk a little more often. Store expressed milk in special bottles, containers or bags and note the date and time. Allow the milk to cool in the refrigerator first and freeze it within 48 hours.

Milk will keep for:

• 4–8 hours at room temperature
• max. 8 days in the refrigerator
• max. 2 weeks in the freezer
• 4 months in the freezer
   

Warm milk in a bottle warmer or in warm water. Do not use a microwave or pan on the stove. Defrost frozen milk in the refrigerator, after which it can be kept for 24 hours. Leftover warmed milk can be kept for another 2 hours.

Breastfeeding can present challenges such as poor latching (pain, not feeding properly), too much or too little milk, restlessness in the baby (due to reflux, colic), and physical problems such as engorgement or inflammation. Fortunately, solutions often lie in good latching technique (wide mouth, bringing baby to breast), feeding more often, rest, adjusting positions, and consulting a lactation consultant for specific help.

You may decide to bottle-feed from the start, or you may need bottles during the postnatal period. This may be to supplement breastfeeding or to replace a breastfeeding session.

If you feed your baby formula, the brand does not matter. The composition is determined by law, so that your baby gets all the nutrients they need. For babies aged 0 to 6 months, this is called 'complete infant formula' and from 6 months onwards 'follow-on formula'. Do you see these terms on the packaging? Then you know it is suitable for your baby. There are different types of formula, such as formula for hungry babies or babies with colic. In most cases, special formula is not necessary. Are you unsure whether your baby needs a different formula and would you like to switch? Then consult your health visitor first.